Back to Us
by ButterflyPages
Summary: After 15 years and 4 children, Olivia feels like she is in quicksand. She is unfulfilled in her life and marriage to Fitz. What she has no longer passes for happiness. Can they recapture what they had and get back to the "us" they created when they first met?
1. Escaping Life

**Chapter 1**

**Escaping Life**

_Cell phone, charger, purse, my luggage, the kids' luggage, laptop, bag with important documents, Bakari's Snowy..._

Olivia stood at the bottom of the staircase and mentally checked off the list of essential items she planned to take with her when she left Fitz. She had been seriously planning this for two weeks now. It had been a difficult decision. She had changed her mind several times, but after months of contemplation and mental agony about the affects on her children, she knew leaving him was the only way forward.

How does one make the decision to leave one's beloved, especially her? Fitz was the only man she ever loved. Now, 15 years and 4 children later, Olivia had accepted certain realities. She was surviving, but not thriving in their marriage. For her, the solution to their problems would require Fitz to change, and she knew he wasn't willing to do that. He couldn't change.

She was no longer the naive college coed who had been absolutely swept off her feet by a successful chef and restaurateur, 14 years her senior. Back then she'd been content to follow his lead in most everything, where they lived, whether or not she would work or be a stay at home mom, the number of children they should have, and the list went on. Over the years, she started to feel as if her life was not her own. There was no self-determination, nothing in her life that was her own. Instead she was just there to support Fitz and his dreams. When their youngest child, Bakari, had turned 5 a year ago, Olivia began working part time. Unfortunately, Fitz was less than supportive.

"Mommy, why isn't Daddy coming with us on the camping trip?" Bakari asked from his perch on the fifth step. He was holding his favorite stuffed animal, a fluffy white baby seal he had gotten from SeaWorld on their family vacation last summer. His _Cars_ backpack hung on his shoulders.

Olivia hated to lie to the kids, but it was necessary considering the circumstances. She had invented this camping trip, assuring them that Fitz would join them later. Without this little deception, it would have been impossible to explain why they were leaving without him. They loved Fitz. He was a good father. Fiona, the eldest, worshipped the ground he walked on. Unfortunately, her relationship with Olivia left much to be desired.

Fitz was out of town visiting one of his restaurants so this was the perfect time to leave. She knew he would never let her leave. During heated arguments when she threatened to go, he would say they vowed till death. She began to take it as a threat on some level, though she knew he would never harm her.

"Daddy is coming later, Sweetie Pie. Do you have Snowy's blanket? We are getting ready to go," Olivia said. Her heart broke a little when she saw how worried he looked.

"But Mommy, Snowy doesn't want to go without Daddy. He is the only one who can scare the bears away," said Bakari who was never one to be persuaded easily when he was set on something.

Olivia tried another tactic. "Would you be my helper and get your sisters and brother? I will buy you that new magic set you saw at the store yesterday.

Bakari's eyes lit up as he rose to his feet. "Okay, Mommy, I'll be your helper!" He bounded up the stairs to fulfill his mission.

Olivia checked her cell phone for the time. She was expecting Jake in 15 minutes. He was going to drive them to airport for their short flight to Olivia's aunt's house in Virginia. Jake had been a good friend through all of this. But he was another point of contention with Fitz who detested Jake. Despite her protestations that they were simply friends, Fitz forbade her from being his friend. Forbade her. His highhandedness had solidified her decision. She was not a child to be ordered around.

Olivia looked up to see her 4 children walking down the stairs, led by Bakari. Furiously texting on her cell phone, Fiona's face held that disinterested expression of a teenager. Thirteen year old Gerry and 10 year old Binti also held their devices. They were playing a game.

"Okay, sports fans, it's time to go," Olivia announced. "Everyone grab a bag."

"Mom, Is Dad going to take us fishing? We need to get some worms," Binti said.

At that moment, Olivia noticed Fiona looking around the room as if she had lost something.

"Are you okay, honey?" Olivia asked.

"I have to use the bathroom," Fiona mumbled. She walked into the bathroom.

"Mommy, may I get a new magic set every time I'm your helper?" Bakari asked pulling on Olivia's sleeve.

Before Olivia could answer, she heard the garage door opening. _No, that can't be…_

A shot of adrenaline coursed through her body. There were only two scenarios to explain the garage door opening. One: It was Fitz. Two: It was Fitz's sister, Natalie, the only other person to have their garage door controller. She was glued to her spot when the kitchen door opened.

"Daddy! Daddy! You're here," Bakari squealed, running to Fitz who bent down to scoop him up.

"Hey, Sweetie Pie," Fitz said. He glanced at Olivia with a confused look that turned grief stricken when he saw their bags.

"I'm glad you are here, Daddy! Snowy will be happy too. He hates going camping without you because you scare away the bears," Bakari said.

Gerry and Binti acknowledged Fitz's presence with confused smiles before they returned to their game.

"Gerry, could you take your brother and sister upstairs? I need to talk to Mom for a minute?"

"Okay, Dad," Gerry said, oblivious to the growing tension in the room.

"But Mommy made me the helper. I will take everyone upstairs," Bakari said.

"Dad, we need to get worms for the bait," Binti said.

Fitz smiled at his daughter. "Sure, honey."

Fiona appeared out of the bathroom as Bakari led Binti and Gerry, who had returned to their game, up the stairs.

She rushed over to Fitz. "Dad, she was trying to take us away. She lied and said we were going camping, but we were going to stay with Aunt Jane."

"Fiona, go to your room." Olivia said.

"You can't make us leave Dad just because you want to go!" Fiona shouted.

"Fiona, don't take that tone with your mother. Please go to your room," Fitz said evenly. Fiona snapped her teeth and stormed upstairs.

Fitz and Olivia stood there in the quiet for a moment until Fiona's door slammed.

"Liv, what the hell is going on here? Fiona called me this morning. She was hysterical. I couldn't understand what she was saying…that you were leaving...and Aunt Jane. At the time, I thought you two were having a disagreement, but now I see what she meant by leaving and why I kept getting your voicemail. So is that it? You're trying to leave me?"

Olivia wasn't prepared for this confrontation. She knew it would come, but she needed to be away from him first.

She swallowed. "Yes, Fitz. I'm leaving. I have to. I want to do this rationally...without a confrontation…for the kids' sakes. We can talk later to…sort things out. Please don't try to stop me."

He stepped towards her and removed the bag from her shoulder.

"Liv, I'm not going to try to stop you because you and my children aren't going anywhere. Let's talk about this. I know we've been off lately, but-"

"No, Fitz. This is more than a being off. I can't be with you anymore. It hasn't been good between us for awhile. You have to…let me go," Olivia said raggedly, feeling the pain of the words in her heart.

He grabbed her shoulders. "Liv, no…" They both froze at the chiming of her cell phone. They both looked at her hand where the phone resided. Olivia tried to put it in her pocket, but Fitz snatched it from her grasp. The caller ID revealed it was Jake.

"Give me the phone, Fitz!" Olivia said trying to pull it from his hands. He lifted it out of her grasp and connected the line. Placing the phone to his ear, he heard Jake say, "I'm outside."

"Good, you son of a bitch! I going to beat the hell out of you," Fitz railed into the phone. He shoved Olivia's phone into his pocket and took three quick steps to the front door.

"Fitz…no, please no. Don't do this. He was going to drive us to the airport, that's all."

He ignored her and stormed outside, down the driveway and to the sidewalk where Jake was parked. Fitz caught Jake unawares and jerked open the driver's side door.

"You son of a bitch! I told you to stay away from my wife," Fitz bellowed, grabbing Jake by his collar and shaking him back and forth.

"Let me go you basta-" Jake said before Fitz grabbed his throat and squeezed.

"Fitz! Fitz! Stop it! Let him go!" Olivia said. She was crying openly.

He continued choking Jake, watching his face turn red as he clawed at Fitz's hands. After a short while, Fitz released him.

"Stay away from my wife or I won't stop the next time," he promised.

Fitz grabbed Olivia's hand and pulled her behind him, back into the house.

"What is wrong with you? You shouldn't have attacked him like that, Fitz. I am tired of you trying to control me," she screamed, before snatching her phone out of his pocket.

"Let's talk about this, Livy. The kids…" Fitz said.

He followed her up the stairs to their bedroom.

"There is nothing else to talk about," Olivia said slamming door in his face.

Fitz closed his eyes and leaned his head against the door, cursing himself aloud for losing his head.

He felt a tug on his right pant leg. "Daddy, what's a sonna of bish?"

"Umm…" He smiled down at Bakari, and knelt in front of him, placing his ear to the stuffed seal tucked against his chest.

"Snowy said he wants to go camping another night," Fitz said. He put his ear to Snowy again. "He wants to get ready for bed and hear a bedtime story. Can you go to your room and get ready for bed? I'll be up to read you a story."

"Okay, Daddy. Can we read, _Interrupting Chicken_?"

"Of course, Bakari. We read it every night. Tell Gerry and Binti to get ready for bed too," Fitz said.

Bakari skipped down the hallway, but stopped short to turn back to him. "Daddy, Is Mommy mad at me because I didn't want to go on the camping trip without you?"

"No, Mommy is not mad at you. She would never be mad at her little helper," Fitz said.

Fitz walked downstairs. He collected the luggage gathered at the bottom of the stairs and placed it in front of each person's bedroom door. He locked the front door and turned on the outside light.

He walked to Fiona's room and tapped on her door. When she didn't answer, he knocked louder.

"Who is it?" she said.

"Open the door, Fiona."

She appeared, headphones resting around her neck, the low din of music audible owning to the elevated volume. She was already taller than Olivia. Most people didn't immediately see her resemblance to her mother. They were distracted by her fair skin, sandy brown hair, and hazel eyes. But when he looked at her, all he saw was Olivia, her facial expressions, mannerisms, and even their voices sounded alike. Unfortunately, the teenage years translated into disagreements, arguments, and general conflict between mother and daughter.

Fitz noticed that her eyes were wet and smudged with mascara and eyeliner. She loved to adorn her eyes with a healthy swath of both. He walked into her bathroom for a Kleenex.

"Tell me about these tears, Fiona," he said softly, wiping away the streaks of mascara and eye liner.

"Daddy, I don't want you and Mommy to get a divorce," she said. Her voice broke, opening up a floodgate of fresh tears.

Fitz pulled her into a hug. "Fiona, your mom and I are not getting a divorce."

She pushed back from him and scooted back against her partially unmade bed. "Daddy, don't lie to me. I heard her on the phone with that guy...she said she couldn't do it anymore, that it was time to leave."

"I promise you that we are not getting a divorce. We have some things to work out," Fitz said, pushing back the fresh anger that manifested when she mentioned, 'that guy.' Were you eavesdropping on your mom?"

Fiona's expressive face gave her away before she spoke. "Yes, but it was a mistake. I walked into your bedroom and she was already talking."

"You should never do that again, honey, but I'm glad you called me. You should have talked to your mother about it too. We are all on the same team, okay?"

"Yeah," she said, grudgingly.

"So, can I see a smile from my Lady Bug?" he requested.

"Dad, I'm not five anymore."

"Okay," Fitz said standing up and walking to the middle of her bedroom. "Prepare for the Wobble dance, Dad style" he said.

"I'm smiling. I'm smiling. Please don't dance," she said.

"You know, honey. I think we _should_ go camping. We can do it in the backyard. It's been awhile since we backyard camped."

"Can I invite Pearl?" Fiona asked, already reaching for her cell phone.

"It's too short notice. I want it to be just family tonight, okay?" Fitz said.

"Is Mom coming?"

"I hope so." he said.

Fitz left the room with a heavy sigh and headed to his bedroom.

* * *

"Are you okay?" Olivia said. She had called Jake to check on him.

"I should be asking you that same question. How are you?"

"I'm fine. I'm sorry for…" Olivia sighed, not able to finish. She sat in the center of the king sized four poster bed.

"It wasn't your fault. You're married to a nut job, Olivia. We both know that. Comes with the territory," Jake said.

Olivia was angry with Fitz, but she didn't like the way Jake spoke about him.

"I'm sorry you were in the middle tonight, Jake. I have to go. Good-" she said curtly.

"Liv, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that. I've never been choked within an inch of my life before. Keep talking to me."

Olivia didn't want to talk to him anymore. As if she willed it to happen, her Aunt Jane's number flashed on her phone.

"Jake, I have to go," she said, clicking over from him, ignoring his pleas to keep her on the phone.

"Hey Auntie," Olivia said.

"Did you and the kids make it to the airport?"

"No. Fiona sold me out. She somehow found out about my plan to leave and called him. Fitz showed up, Auntie. He's here."

"Thank God," sighed Jane. "I will always support you, Olivia, but leaving your husband is not the answer. You can't undo 15 years, baby."

"I'm not trying to undo anything. I can't be married to him anymore. I just can't do it anymore."

"Do what, Olivia?"

"I don't want to get into this with you. I know where you stand."

"I am asking a simple question. What can't you do? What grievance do you have against your husband that is beyond resolving...that you have to break up your family to rectify?"

Olivia slowly placed her head back against the headboard.

"He doesn't see _me_. He sees what he wants to see. I'm almost 40 and I don't have anything of my own. I am Fitz's wife and the mother of Fiona, Gerry, Binti, and Bakari. My life is one big contingency. I want to do something meaningful with my life. I am working part-time. Fitz tolerates it, but I know he doesn't really want me working. When he told me I couldn't associate with Jake as if I am a child, I...that was it! I've been thinking that he's always been like this…controlling and pigheaded, but I was too young and stupid to see it."

"Olivia Caroline Pope, you lack perspective. From where I sit, the punishment doesn't fit the crime. First off, you are where you are because that is where you wanted to be or where you chose to be. I know Fitz…have known him since you two started dating. Yes, he's pushy, and pigheaded, and stubborn…but Olivia, you've always sort of...don't take this the wrong way...indulged him…or let him be that way. I mean, you never say 'no' to him. It's just that simple. Now is that his fault or yours? Baby, you teach people how to treat you."

"That is not true. You're calling me a pushover?"

"No. I didn't say that. Okay, consider this. Every time Bakari comes to visit me what does he do?" Auntie Jane asked.

"He gives you a hug and puts out a his hand for the silver dollar."

"Yes, that is what he does. Why? Because since he was 3, I've always given him one every single time he has come to visit me. He expects it because I have trained him to. Imagine if one day I just stopped. How would he react? He would probably go through the 12 stages of grief...that little bugger...but would it be fair for me to get mad at him for whatever negative response he had? No."

"Fitz is not a child. Your analogy doesn't work, Auntie."

"Yep, but he still has expectations that you accepted and reinforced. For years, you have been happy to be a stay at home mom-at least that's what I thought-you have seemed okay with him taking the lead in most things. That's what I have observed."

"I wanted to be there for my children, but now I want to work. I need more than motherhood and being a wife."

"You need to talk to him. Tell him what you need. Tell him what isn't working."

"But I have. And then there is Jake-"

"Based on what you've told me about him, he seems too friendly. "

"We are just colleagues. Fitz choked him tonight, by the way. It was just wrong Fitz was out of control."

"Why was Jake at your house?"

"He agreed to drive us to the airport."

"Why did you involve him? Why not ask one of your friends or your cousins? I don't get it, Olivia. You know Fitz better than anyone."

"Yes and that's the problem," Olivia said, "I didn't want to go into detail with them about what was going on with Fitz and me."

"But you felt comfortable talking go Jake about it?"

"But-"

"Baby, I have to go. Since you and the kids aren't coming, your uncle and I are going out for dinner. You're going to have to sort this out."

* * *

Olivia heard a knock on the door. She knew it was him.

"Come in."

She heard him walk in the room, but she wouldn't look at him.

"Livy."

She finally looked up and their eyes met. He looked sad. She looked away.

"Can we talk about this?"

"No, not now. I'm tired and I want to go to bed."

"I'm going to camp in the backyard with the kids. Do you want to join us?"

She still wouldn't look at him. "No."

She felt him walking towards her. The mattress gave from his weight. He pulled her chin around until they were eye to eye.

"Do you love me?" he asked.

"Yes," she answered just before he bent his head towards hers.

She snatched her head away before his lips met hers. "No, Fitz. We will talk tomorrow."

After he left, she placed her head on the pillow, allowing her thoughts to travel back to the first day they met.


	2. At First Sight

**Chapter 3**

**At First Sight**

* * *

_August 1998_

_The Dish Restaurant_

"Sally, you have done a fine job getting this building ready to open. It looks nothing like the dump it was when I bought it six months ago. Cyrus will be pleased to see that his money isn't going down the drain. But we can't show him until you get the restaurant fully staffed," Fitz said. He and Sally toured the kitchen and back loading dock area.

"It's been a labor of love, Fitz. I know I can fully realize the vision you have for this concept as well as bring it to profitability. This area is on the rebound as more working professionals and families return to buy homes," Sally said.

Fitz noticed his brother, Patrick walk out of the back office. Fitz narrowed his eyes at his shenanigans. Patrick bent his hand into a puppet to mimic Sally while silently mouthing, "blah, blah, blah."

"Patrick Joseph, I may not see you, but I can feel you mocking me," Sally said.

Fitz smiled in admiration at Sally's quip. He appreciated the way she managed his restaurant and kept his little brother in check. Unfortunately, he suffered from the privileged rich boy syndrome. At 26 years old, Patrick acted as if he were 18. About 8 months ago, he totaled his sports car speed racing down I-10 with friends. Instead of rescuing him yet again, Fitz convinced his parents to let him handle PJ. He offered to move him from Dallas to Atlanta where he'd be opening a new restaurant. PJ would have to work in the restaurant to support himself and make recompense for squandering his car that incidentally was fully paid for by his parents. PJ had vehemently protested until he discovered that the alternative would be moving out of his parents' house and getting a job. Since moving to Atlanta, PJ had made great strides in maturity, especially at his job where Sally kept a close eye on him. Fitz kept an apartment in Atlanta, but spent most of his time in Dallas.

"Uh oh, Sally is using both your names, PJ. Hopefully she won't get to add 'Grant' to that before I head back to Dallas. You will really be in trouble," Fitz said.

"Big brother, are you going to help us with the interviews for all these eager beaver college students?" said PJ.

"Absolutely not. Fitz has more important things to do than interview potential front of the house and back of the house staff," said Sally. "I'm heading out now to begin the first round. From the looks of the long lines, it's going to be a long day. Hopefully we can weed out many of them." Sally walked out into the main dining room.

Fitz strolled into the office with his brother following behind him.

"Shouldn't you be out there nose deep in interviews, PJ?" Fitz asked, sitting down at the computer to review the financials.

"That's just it little brother. I want to hear about who you have been nose deep in," he said. "Helping Attila the Hun get the restaurant up and running has cramped my style considerably. All I do is work, day in, day out. I need to hear about your latest bed buddy to get me over the hump."

Fitz looked at him disapprovingly but then smiled wickedly. "PJ…you know I don't kiss and tell...but since you are twisting my arm I'll give you a little bite," he said. "Brunette, legs for days, and all the T and A you can shake a stick at."

They shared a laugh. "Mom and Dad think I am the spoiled brat, but all the while you're the one who is pulling one over on them. You're never going to get married are you? They are not up in your ass because you have the perfect cover: opening more Dish restaurants. You can have anyone you want, Fitz. What about Melody or-"

"Why fix what isn't broken? I'm not ready to be tied down. Kids are cute, but the whole family gig will prevent me from having the flexibility to do what I need to do for my work and play for that matter. Melody...hmm she's just too eager. I think she should marry my parents."

"You are something else, big brother. Leave some stuff out that for me," PJ said.

"There's enough to go around," Fitz said.

"Well, anyway," he said, "Call me tonight and we'll have a drink. Now if you decide to help with the interviews that'd be even better.

"Not likely." He had zero interest and intention of interviewing anyone.

* * *

"Wow, there are just too many people interviewing today. Huck, why did you advertise this on your MySpace page? Everyone uses your page for the latest news which makes no damn sense. You don't talk to anyone but us," said Harrison.

"Leave Huck alone, Harrison. You're just jealous. Let's focus so we can do what we came to do: get a job. We're smarter than all these students put together. We have to make the powers that be here realize that we are the best ones for the job," Olivia said.

"Liv, thanks for your speech, but look at that damn sign," Abby said, pointing in front of them. A woman placed a sign on an easel just in front of them that read, _Thank you for your interest in The Dish Restaurant. We have filled all the positions we have available at this time. We will keep your resumes and applications on file should we have any future openings. -The Dish Management_

"Shit. Shit. Shit," said Olivia through clinched teeth, "I really needed this job."

"I still don't understand why you need a job Liv. You have a full scholarship," said Abby.

Olivia and Huck exchanged glances.

"Okay. Spill it. Whenever you two get those googely eyes, you're hiding something," said Harrison.

"My dad refuses to pay his portion of my expenses unless I declare my major as pre-med again," Olivia said. They pulled out their resumes and walked to the table where all those left behind were setting them.

"That's not cool," said Abby.

* * *

Fitz grabbed his briefcase and suit jacket. He was eager to leave the restaurant since he had a date with Kelly later that night. Instead of leaving out the back door, he decided to walk through the main dining room and out the front door. He wanted to see how the new tile looked in the foyer.

When he entered the dining room, his eyes scanned over the crowd. When his eyes passed over a young African American woman in a khaki skirt and white blouse, he doubled back to look at her again.

"Hmm." Fitz was instantly intrigued. He couldn't help but smile. There was something about her. He noticed the look of disappointment on her face. She and three other people were standing beside the job rejection sign.

Olivia placed her completed job application and resume one the table. A large hand appeared out of nowhere and pulled the documents from her hand. Olivia looked around confused.

"Miss, my name is Fitzgerald Grant, and I'd like to interview you for a job," he said, extending his hand to her. Olivia's brow held a little wrinkle of confusion.

"But the sign that lady put out said that the interviews were closed."

"They are closed, but a new position just came open. I'd like to consider you for it if you're interested," Fitz explained.

"Okay, but what about my friends," she asked, pointing to Abby, Huck, and Harrison who now stood by the door.

"I'll check into that. Let's have a seat in that booth so we can talk."

Olivia was ecstatic about the possibility of securing a job. She was eager to show her father that she didn't need his money to continue on the academic path she'd chosen, social work.

She took his outstretched hand and pumped it once, falling into her most professional posture.

"Okay, Mr. Grant."

She looked back at her friends whose faces each held a question. Olivia raised her shoulders in an, "I don't know."

"So, what's your name?" he asked.

"Olivia," she answered. "Olivia Pope."

"Olivia Pope, you've got the job. Have dinner with me tonight. I'll explain the details then," he said.

"Are you serious?" she asked.

"I'm game if you are," he said leaning forward.

Olivia laughed out loud. "I'm sure the owner would like to know that you are flirting with me."

"I have a feeling he would be okay in this instance," Fitz said matter-of-factly.


	3. Turnabout and FairPlay

**Chapter 3**

**Turnabout and Fairplay**

* * *

She woke to the smell of a mouthwatering aroma. Fitz was preparing breakfast. He was an excellent cook, but he didn't cook regularly. Breakfast was one meal he prepared at least once a week, usually on Saturdays. She glanced at the clock. It wasn't Saturday, but Monday morning. She rushed out of bed. It was a school day for the kids. Gerry and Binti didn't normally need her help getting ready. They needed her reminders to get homework or their jackets. Bakari on the other hand needed a lot of help getting ready.

She wore the same clothes from the night before. Last night, the hours had crept by leaving her alone with her thoughts. Occasionally she had heard a laugh or scream from the backyard where Fitz and the kids were camping. She grappled with her feelings. Even though she had been prepared to leave before he had rushed in last night, she still wondered if she could have stayed away and made a clean break. She had finally drifted into a fitful sleep. Olivia stripped off her jeans and shirt and threw on her robe. The children would surely notice and comment if she appeared with the same clothes on.

"Good Morning, Mommy! You are a sleepyhead," Bakari said.

"I know, sweetie. Did you save any smores for me last night?" she asked, kissing him on the head through his wavy hair. Her eyes met Fitz's across the room. He mouthed, 'No.'

"I did, but Snowy ate yours Mommy," Bakari said. Olivia looked back at Fitz and smiled.

"Binti, what are you doing? Is that your homework? You said you had finished."

"I forgot about these extra three problems our teacher gave us. It's just multiplying fractions. See, I'm finished," Binti closed her binder and stuffed it in her book bag."

"Gerry, you okay this morning?" Olivia asked snatching his cell phone from his hand.

"Mom! I was in the middle of a text," he said.

"Gerry, you know the rules. No devices at the table," Olivia said.

"But Dad didn't say anything..."

"Gerry, I've been cooking so don't try to blame me," Fitz said.

Olivia placed Gerry's cell phone on top of his book bag.

"I'm sorry Mom."

She rustled his hair and grabbed a plate. "Did Fiona get to school okay?"

"Yes," Fitz said.

She faced him at the stove and extended her plate. He filled it with food.

"So you didn't sleep well," he whispered, noticing her puffy eyes.

"Thanks for the non-Saturday breakfast," she said before sitting down to eat.

* * *

The kids had left on their respective school buses. Fitz and Olivia sat at the kitchen table, across from each other. She cupped her coffee mug, holding on for dear life. She looked down at the light brown liquid. The light and shadows made a heart shaped reflection on the surface of the liquid.

Fitz reached across the table and lifted her chin. "Livy, talk to me."

She met his eyes, opened her mouth to say something but closed it again.

He moved the mug from her hands and covered her hands with his.

"Olivia, I love you and have loved you since the first day I laid eyes on…"

"Fitz, I love you too-"

"Then why Livy, why? Why were you trying to leave me last night? Why were you trying to take my children away from me?"

Olivia looked away. She couldn't take his accusations or the pained look he was giving her.

"I would never take the children away from you. I was planning to work out something...visitation-"

"Well there is no need to work out anything like that because they aren't going anywhere. You aren't going anywhere."

She jerked her hands from his. "Fitz, you can't tell me what I can and cannot do. I can do whatever I want to do. That's our problem. You treat me like I'm your child. You cannot order me around. I decided not to leave last night because I didn't want to cause a scene in front of the kids."

"What are you saying? You're still planning to leave?"

His question hung in the air, thick and weighty. "I can't talk about this right now."

She left him sitting there. Fitz heard the door to their bedroom slam.

"Shit," he said.

* * *

Olivia read the alert on her phone. It reminded her of the lunch date she had with Fitz's sister, Natalie. _Should I go or shouldn't I? _She considered Natalie a friend and not just her sister-in-law, but she didn't want to talk with her right now. Natalie would know that something was wrong. She would continued to pry until she got to the truth.

Olivia was distracted by the red light on the house phone that signaled the line was in use. _Who is he talking to? Probably giving orders to one of his employees since he flew back early. _

Olivia picked up the phone. She frowned deeply when she heard a female voice on the other line.

"...Well, I'm sorry you had to leave, Fitzgerald. It was really good to see you. How long has it been?"

"About 15 years, I guess. It was good to see you too. Please tell your parents I said hello," said Fitz.

"How's Patrick. Has he settled down yet?" Mellie asked.

"Not quite. Do you want me to tell him you asked about him?" Fitz asked.

"That is not necessary. The next time you're in town let's get together, okay?" Mellie said.

"Okay, Mellie, we'll see."

Incensed, Olivia slammed down the phone and marched out of the bedroom and into the kitchen where Fitz was wiping off the counter.

"So how long have you been fucking your ex-girlfriend?"

"What?" he asked incredulously.

"How long have you been fucking your ex-girlfriend?" she repeated.

"That's what I thought you said. That's funny, Liv," he chuckled.

"Why are you laughing? When did cheating on your wife become something to laugh about? You almost choked Jake to death when he was only going to transport me to the airport." She punctuated her words with a finger poke to his chest. "But you were laughing it up with her on the phone and I'm supposed to assume it's nothing."

"I wasn't laughing it up. She visited the restaurant and we talked. I hadn't seen her in years. You didn't want to talk earlier. I don't understand you."

"Your conversation sounded intimate to me." She continued poking him in the chest with her forefinger. He attempted to catch her hand, but she snatched it away. "This is such a double standard," she said.

"Livy, stop poking me." When she continued, he pulled her hand behind her back. She tried to pull away, but he wouldn't let go. Instead he lifted her up on the counter.

"Are you jealous?" he breathed against her cheek. She turned her face away, but he grabbed her cheek and turned her back to face him. "You think I'm...fucking someone else?"

She looked at him with a mixture of anger and arousal. She remembered how she felt years ago when she let Mellie convince her that Fitz was only using her. It had been a lie then, but hearing her on the phone tonight brought back all that hurt. She leaned forward and kissed him. She pulled back, "Fitz, make love to me."

And he did, there on the counter.


	4. Falling Fast

**Chapter 4**

**Falling Fast**

* * *

_November 1998_

_Atlanta, GA_

* * *

"Fitz, come on! This is not you, big brother. What in the holy hell is wrong with you?" PJ demanded. PJ stood in the small kitchen of Fitz's studio apartment watching his brother painstakingly stuff pastry dough with some concoction he spooned from a bowl.

Fitz ignored the disappointment in PJ's voice. "These are turning out well. I haven't made them since culinary school. But it's like riding a bike. I took Liv to Kyma last Saturday and she fell in love with spanakopita. I'm making her a batch. I'm going to give these to her on our date tonight. At Kyma, they were made into little mini pies, but I am making them into the triangles. Here, taste one."

PJ took one and popped it into his mouth. "Wow, these are good. What kind of breading is this? What's the filling?"

"It's phyllo dough stuffed with spinach, feta cheese, scallions, and spices. I hope she likes it. I made the dough myself. The first batch wasn't good so I had to start over," Fitz said as he stuffed another pastry.

PJ shook his head as his brother. "I never thought I'd see the day that a woman has you running around like this. You are too far gone." PJ waved his hand in front of Fitz's eyes and started snapping his fingers. "Snap out of it. _She _is supposed to be cooking for you, not the other way around. You've only been seeing her for three months. You haven't gotten the goods yet so I guess the chase is making you crazy. Has any woman made you hold out this long?"

"No, but its okay. She is adamant that we are just friends because she works at my restaurant. So I'll let her think that if it makes her feel better," Fitz said.

"I don't understand. You're not trying to get the goods. You're acting like you are friends. What's the end game?" PJ swipped another spanakopita.

Fitz pulled a small tray of finished pastries from the oven.

"She's the one, PJ. I'm going to marry her."

PJ's look of horror caused Fitz to burst out laughing.

"What! She's too young for you and to state the obvious, she's black."

"PJ, little brother, I'll entertain this conversation but not because I'm changing my mind. There is only a 14 year difference in our ages. I want her. Everything about Olivia is what I want, so there you have it."

"What about Gran Gran and Papa? What will they say about this? They are well...racists practically."

"That's not my problem, PJ."

"All I'm saying is that Gran Gran and Papa are really into that whole legacy, pure bloodlines, passing the torch stuff. They've been trying to marry you off for years now. Once they find out you are dating someone seriously and who that person is, they are going to ride your ass 'till the cows come home. It's not going to be easy."

"I don't want easy. I want her. Mom and Dad will be fine and they will convince Gran Gran and Papa. I plan to bring her home with me for Thanksgiving. Everyone will meet her then."

PJ shook his head and grabbed another pastry. "Man, she already has you by the balls before you get the goods. She's going to own you afterwards."

Fitz just shrugged his shoulders.

* * *

"Abby, look at her. She's got it bad for the boss," said Miriam, Olivia's roommate.

Miriam and Abby were perched on Miriam's narrow bed, eyes trained on Olivia as she threw clothes out of her closet in search of her pink sweater.

"I know it's in here. I need that sweater. It makes me look like I have big breasts. It hangs perfectly. I need it if I'm going to wear these white pants. Abby, are you sure you didn't borrow it?" Olivia asked. She was totally engrossed in the search so she didn't engage their teasing.

"Look at her Miriam. She's the female of the species getting prepared to engage in that age old mating dance," Abby announced, lowering her voice as if she was a commentator for _National Geographic _ "The sweater will make her breasts more desirable so that the male will mount her for the mating ritual, known to us as the beast with two backs."

Abby and Miriam convulsed into laughter, falling back on the bed.

"Yes!" said Olivia triumphantly. "Here it is in your closet, Miriam. Next time _puhleese_ return my stuff after you use it, okay?"

Olivia shoved everything back in Miriam's closet.

"Liv, can you take a break and talk to us? Lately you only have time for Fitz. 'Fitz this.' 'Fitz that.' Whenever he calls, which is entirely too much, you drop everything and change your plans on a dime for him. Try to play hard to get sometimes!" said Abby.

Olivia ran over and jumped on the bed, engulfing Abby and Miriam in a bear hug. "I'm sorry, my babies. You miss Mommy don't you?" Olivia said.

They all convulsed into giggles on the bed.

"Okay, my babies. I have to finish getting ready, but I need your help. Help me untwist my hair. I'm going for the crinkly look tonight."

She sat in a chair and they began unraveling her twists.

"So, where is he taking you today, Liv?" asked Miriam.

"The Atlanta Botanical Gardens. He said he had a surprise for me. I can't wait to find out."

"I wonder if the surprise is long and hard," said Abby.

"Abby, you are…so…is that all you think about?" Olivia said.

"Umm…Yes...You think about it too! Fitz is a _real_ man. He knows how to make your stuff sing. Unlike these college boys who are all about getting in and out. And don't give me that about just being friends. Friends don't kiss like that!"

"I won't lie Abby. I'm ready to…to go all the way. But I can't tell him that because I was the one who insisted on being friends. How can I go from 'let's be friends' to 'do me baby like you've never done before?' That kiss was all my fault. I think he was just trying to give me a hug, and I practically jumped him. Oh my God, Abby, Miriam, kissing him was like...If you spin around and around on a tire and then stop. Had he asked me to do it then, I would have given it up right there."

"Liv, sweetie, there is the problem of your status on _The_ _Island_. You want to turn in your card, but you're not only a member, you're the President of the Virgin Islands. If you do take that step with him, you'll need to tell him so he won't be going in blind," said Miriam.

"I know. I like him so much. I'm going to miss him during Thanksgiving Break. It's a whole 7 days. He probably has some serious girlfriend who he's going to be with for the holidays anyway," Olivia said.

"If he had a girlfriend, I don't think he would be flying from Dallas to Atlanta almost every week to see you…and you all aren't even having sex. You can't praise him one minute and then paint him as a playboy in the same breath," said Miriam.

"You're right. I'm scared of how I feel for him. That's why I want to keep it on a friendship level. Sometimes when he looks at me I can't breathe," Olivia said, "I mean he is so…umm…manly."

They all sighed deeply before dissolving into more giggles.

* * *

"Olivia, you look beautiful. Simple, elegant, sophisticated. He is going to shit a couple of bricks when he sees you," said Abby.

Olivia wore her form fitting pink sweater and white slacks. The outfit accentuated her petite figure. The top gave the illusion that her breasts were bigger than they actually were. Her make up was understated, highlighting the pink hue of her outfit. Her wavy locks were pulled back and held together with a pink, beaded butterfly barrette. The rest of her hair cascaded around her shoulders.

"Yeah girl, you look like a petit four. Beware if he tries to eat you," said Miriam.

"Ewww, Miriam! You are worse than Abby," she said.

"Don't knock it until you've tried it. But most of the guys who've gone down on me act like they are attacking a damn sandwich or something, but this one guy actually knew what he was doing and...it…was...fabulous!" said Abby.

Miriam grabbed Abby's hand. "You know that is too advanced for her. She needs to take many prerequisite courses in the sex department before she lets him go downtown."

Olivia shook her head while they gave each her a hug.

"That can't be him! He's not due for another hour," said Olivia frantically in response to the knock on their door. She started straightening up the room.

"He usually buzzes at the front desk first before he comes up. He must be eager," said Miriam.

"False alarm, but it's some lady. She looks like she's dressed for church or something. Ugh! I think it is one of those campus Church of Christ cult folks," said Abby, looking through the peephole.

"They are banned from campus. I'll get it."

She opened the door and was met with the sugary sweet smile of a woman dressed in a red wine colored dress and matching coat. Her hair was upswept and diamond studs twinkled in her ear lobes.

Olivia couldn't help but smile back. "Hi, how can we help you?"

"I'm looking for Olivia Pope," the lady announced, walking in the room without an invitation. She observed the room with an upturned nose.

"I'm Olivia Pope, and you are...?" Olivia asked, not liking the vibe she was getting from the woman.

"So, you are his new flavor of the week. And don't you look like a sweet little cherry? I'm Melody Rosemont, soon to be Grant. You can call me Mellie." she said.

Miriam and Abby looked at Mellie in shock. Olivia's expression was confused.

Abby spoke first. "Who the hell are you, lady? Why are you here?"

Mellie turned to face Olivia directly. "I am here to tell you that Fitzgerald Thomas Grant belongs to me. We have been involved for over five years. Any relationship you think you have with him is a lie. We are practically engaged. I just wanted to make that clear. Fitz certainly isn't going to tell you. Any questions, little girl?" Mellie asked.

Miriam stepped forward. "I think you better leave before you get slapped. Coming in here delivering messages like you're a postal worker or something. Who _does_ that? Leave. Now!"

Mellie stood in place for a minute. "Just remember what I said, Olivia. He is off limits. Stop being used because that is all he is doing. It's about the conquest and the score with men always. Once he scores, you won't register on his radar anymore."

With that, she turned on her heel and left.

"What the hell was that? That bitch!" said Abby.

Olivia sank to her bed and began to weep.

"Liv, don't cry, sweetie. You should talk to Fitz about this tonight. That woman could be lying, you know," Miriam said.

"No! I don't want to talk to him! I hate him!" Olivia cried.

Abby walked over to Olivia's bed and knelt beside her. "Liv, don't overreact, okay? You, yourself said that you and Fitz were just friends. You also said he probably had a girlfriend, though I know you didn't really think so. There is no reason to cry. He's hot. He takes you to nice restaurants. You don't have to put out. This is a win win, sweetie. Play it cool. I know you're hurt, but he hasn't done anything yet. The woman could be lying. She is obviously clueless. You've barely kissed him."

Olivia sat up on the bed and let Abby hug her.

Miriam sat at the foot of the bed and strategized. "This is what you do. Like Abby said…just play it cool. Tonight when the time is right mention that you have a boyfriend. Do it casually. Let him think you are with someone else. Let him think you are the player. You don't owe that fucker anything. I swear I'll kill him if he is playing you!"

Olivia smiled, thankful for such great friends.

* * *

Fitz racked his brain trying to figure out what was going on with Olivia. Something was definitely off with her. She looked as beautiful as always, but she was really dismissive of him tonight. Her answers to his questions were sarcastic and flippant. She didn't let him hold her hand. When he presented her with the spanakopita, the hardness surrounding her fell away, but returned immediately.

He was planning to ask her to come home with him for Thanksgiving, but no time seemed appropriate yet. She was different. They walked by the Dale Chihuly glass sculpture exhibit.

"Isn't that beautiful, Fitz? I love orchids. They look so real, don't they?" she said, walking a little ahead of him. She stopped and marveled at the glass orchids mixed in with the real ones.

"They are beautiful...just like you," he whispered in her ear, standing close behind her, resting his hands on either side of her on the steel barricade.

Olivia shivered at his breath against her neck and his body close against hers. Her eyes closed involuntarily, but she saw Mellie's self-satisfied smile in her imagination. Her eyes shot open and she remembered what Miriam said.

She turned around and faced him. He didn't move back so was pinned against him and the gate.

_Here it goes._ She took a deep breath.

"My b-boyfriend always tells me I am beautiful like an orchid too. Thanks for bringing me today and for the spanakopita. It's delicious. We should probably go now."

She tried to move, but he wouldn't release his hands from the barricade. He narrowed his eyes. "What did you say?"

"Thanks for today? We should go?" she said, feigning ignorance.

"No, before then," he said moving closer, though it seemed impossible for him to move any closer.

She leaned back. "My boyfriend says-"

"What boyfriend? You don't have a boyfriend, Olivia."

"I do," she she said, clearing her throat.

"What's his name?" His face was so close to hers.

"Umm...His name?...It's..."

When she felt his tongue lick her bottom lip, she forgot about the charade. Her lips parted and she took his tongue inside her mouth. He lifted her up so that her lips were level to his. They kissed for a long time. She pulled away first, grabbed his hand, and pulled him to a nearby bench. She turned and looked at him straight on.

"Fitz, I'm not good at playing games. I can't do this anymore. As you know, I don't have a boyfriend, but you...you _do_ have a girlfriend so...I don't know what we are doing," she said.

"What are you talking about?"

"Please move back. I can't think when you're..."

He moved back.

"Today, Melanie, or Melody or whatever your girlfriend's or fiance's name is came by my dorm room. She said I was your…new flavor of the week and you were all about the chase to get into my pants. She came to tell me to leave you alone."

Fitz began to laugh.

"I'm glad you find this funny because I don't!" She rose from the bench. He pulled her back down and onto his lap.

"I'm sorry, Livy. Mellie Rosemont, is not my friend, much less my girlfriend or fiancé. I've known her since grade school. Somebody put it in her mind-probably her mother-that we were supposed to be together. I've never liked her that way. Don't worry about her. I'll take care of Mellie. She won't bother you again."

Olivia just stared at him, still unconvinced. She felt uncomfortable with all of it.

"Fitz, I'm not interested in competing with someone to get your attention."

"You don't have to compete, Olivia. You already have my total and complete attention," he said.

Olivia was having trouble breathing again so she just hugged him. He hugged her back.

"What are you doing for Thanksgiving break?"

"I'll be here in Atlanta. I'll have dinner with my family the day of and maybe hit a few sales on Black Friday with my friends. Why?"

"I want you to come home with me to Dallas for the week."

Olivia's eyes widened. "Really?" she bounced on his lap and then hugged him again. "Yes, I'd love to."

"Can I ask you another question, Livy?"

"Yes?" She looked worried.

"May _I _be your boyfriend?"

She couldn't stop the giggle that slipped through her lips. "Yes!" she said with a tight hug around his neck, "I love you!"

As soon as it was out, she stiffened in embarrassment. "It just slipped out, Fitz," she said anxiously.

"I love you, too," he said before kissing her.


	5. Revelations

**Chapter 5**

**Revelations**

* * *

"You can't stay after school for Student Council for the rest of the week, Fiona. You must ride the bus home," Olivia said.

"Whatever, Mom," mumbled Fiona as she trudged up the stairs.

"What did you say?" Olivia asked with an edge in her voice.

"Nothing, Mom."

"What did you _say_?"

"Nothing. God!"

"Fiona, that's it! Give me your cell phone. I will not allow you to speak to me like that. You were wrong this afternoon. You should have met me in front of the blue gym like we agreed. Instead I was late picking up Bakari and Binti from school because I was searching for you. Since you can't be responsible enough to abide by simple instructions, you don't need a phone," Olivia said, standing at the bottom of the steps with her hand outstretched.

"But Mom, I sent you a text that we were working on the float at the rec field and that aunt Natalie would pick me up. You can't blame me because you didn't check your phone!"

"Fiona, you never sent me a text. You knew I wasn't going to let you go to the rec field with Dean so you orchestrated all this to do something you knew I wouldn't allow. You could have told me about the change of venue last night. We've told you that you can't make these sort of last minute changes during the school day. You could have handled this better, but you were deliberately trying to deceive me so give me the phone!" She was standing face to face with Fiona who was a couple of inches taller.

Fiona tried to stare her mother down, but she was no match for her who knew her better than she knew herself. Fiona's eyes teared up and the little girl in her showed up. She shoved the phone in Olivia's hand and ran up the stairs, crying. "This is so not fair!"

Olivia took a deep breath and placed the phone in her pocket. She walked into the kitchen where Bakari and Binti were eating a snack and watching television.

"How's it going in here? Who turned on the television? Snack then homework before any TV or outside time. You know the rules. Clean up so you all can get started," Olivia said. She felt headache pressure start behind her eyes.

"Mommy, I have a lot of homework," said Bakari, chewing on a peanut butter laced apple slice.

"Oh really? Well we better get started. How about you Binti?"

"Not really, Mom. Just the usual. I'm almost finished with it though," Binti said.

"Binti, clean up in here and I'll meet you and Bakari in the dining room to get started. I'm going to go check on Fiona."

"Mom, I heard Fiona on the phone with Dean last night. She told him she was going to ride with him to the rec field and you wouldn't find out," Binti said.

"Thanks, honey," Olivia said.

Gerry breezed in the door. "Mom, can I go to soccer practice with Kevin's mom? She said she would pick me up and bring me home," Gerry asked as soon as he entered the door after getting off the school bus.

"I'll need to talk to his mom, Gerry. Dad and I have an appointment so you'll have to be dropped off at Grandma's house," Olivia said. "Get a snack and get started on your homework."

* * *

Olivia knocked on her door. "Fiona, it's Mom. I'm coming in."

Fiona sat on her bed hugging her bent knees in an upright fetal position. Her quaking shoulders indicated that she was still crying.

Olivia sat down beside her on the bed.

"Fiona, honey, I know you are upset about losing your phone, but you can't deliberately try to deceive me to get your way. Do you think stunts like this will cause me to trust you to do the things you want to do? Every time you lie you lose your credibility, honey."

"It doesn't matter, Mom. You still won't let me go out on a date with Dean. We've been dating for like 2 months now and we haven't been out anywhere together-"

"Except for the times you've snuck out with him after school Fiona? You can't get upset that I won't let you do something when you just go ahead and do it anyway. You have responsibilities here around the house including helping with your brothers and sister. Be more consistent with those and we can talk about a supervised movie outing for you and Dean."

"But I get good grades." Fiona's face was contorted and her eyes were running with black mascara.

"And we are proud of you, honey, but I'm not going to let you get away with lying and not doing what you're supposed to do around here-"

"But Mom-"

"Fiona, get your homework done. Later we are going to sit down with Dad and put your responsibilities in writing."

"And then can I have my phone back?" she asked plopping down at her desk with a pout.

"Getting your phone back is going to be tied to what we put in writing, honey," Olivia said.

Fiona didn't respond. Instead she turned her back to Olivia and began angrily unloading her book bag, dropping her textbooks and binder haphazardly on top of the other.

Olivia looked back at her one last time before leaving the room.

* * *

Olivia volunteered at the community center three days a week. On the days she didn't volunteer, she tried to get as many home chores done as possible. After leaving Fiona's room she entered the laundry room to throw in a load clothes. Fiona's phone buzzed in her pocket. It was a text from Dean.

**wear the hell r u? **

Olivia scoffed at the grammar and the tone of his text. At the same time, Olivia's own cell phone rang.

"Hello."

"How are you?" Jake asked.

"Fine, and you?" Olivia answered as she began to empty out the pockets of the clothes she was sorting.

"Well, I would be decidedly better if you would have coffee with me tomorrow morning before you come to the community center. I want us to talk about how we can be friends, Olivia. It's been a month since that night and you haven't spoken more than five words to me since then. I'm worried about you," he said.

"We've talked at length since then, Jake."

"Just community center business. What about our friendship? We used to talk more about-"

"Jake, just stop right there. I need to say something to you...actually to apologize. It's no secret that I was having problems with...in my marri…having problems. I shouldn't have been talking to you about them. I apologize if I gave you the wrong idea about what I wanted from you. I'm sorry for what happened that night. I think it best that we limit our communication to the community center and its business." She unfolded a piece of notebook paper that she had pulled from a pair of Fiona's jeans and began to read it.

"Liv, there is no need to apologize. You are my friend. That's what friends do. I care about you. I think you were being truthful when you expressed those things to me about Fitz. You need to trust your feelings. I think you were right when you said he didn't respect you, Liv. He doesn't see how brilliant you are at the center-"

"Jake I have to go," Olivia said absently, hanging up her phone as she read Fiona's writing.

Olivia couldn't help but cover her mouth as she read the words that were doodled all over the page in Fiona's flowery scrawl.

_**Mirror Mirror on the fucking wall **_

_**Am I black am I white damn, damn it all. **_

_**My skin is white, my mom is black. Is she my real mom? **_

_**Black mom hates me. White dad loves me. **_

_**Mom is a loser. I am a loser.**_

_**To fuck Dean or not to fuck Dean that is the question. **_

_**Don't want to get knocked up like Mom did in college.**_

_**Sometimes I hate being alive. **_

Olivia immediately dialed Fitz.

"Hey, honey. Surprised to hear from you. What's up?" Fitz asked. He left the cook's line in the busy restaurant kitchen and walked to the office.

"Fitz, are you busy? Can you talk?" Olivia closed the laundry room door.

"I just left the line. There was a late afternoon rush so I was helping them expedite the food. I'm almost in the office now. What's wrong, Livy?"

"Fiona is in trouble. I found some writing in her pocket. Listen to this," Olivia explained before reading.

"Fitz, I had no idea she was suicidal. And that damn Dean is obviously pressuring her for sex. And she has problems with identity and race. I never-"

"Livy, Livy. Slow down, honey. I take this seriously, but I think we should talk to her first before jumping to conclusions. You know that Fiona is expressive and creative. We can't be sure how much of the writing is real. Don't jump to conclusions, baby," Fitz said.

"Fitz, we have to take this seriously. You never think anything is ever wrong with her. You think she is perfect. We need to deal with this."

"Should we talk to the therapist about it when we go for our session this evening?" he asked.

"I think so," Olivia agreed. "Maybe we can set up some sessions for her too."

"Okay, honey. Why don't you take the kids over to my parents instead of waiting for me to get home. I'll meet you and we can go to the therapist from there. Livy, everything is going to be okay. I love you."

"I love you, too."

* * *

"Liv, I'm sorry about today. I should have checked with you first before I agreed to pick Fiona up from the rec field. I assumed she cleared it with you," Natalie said.

"But Nat, this isn't the first time you've done this. Fiona needs to know that you are supportive of our rules. If she knew that you were going to check with me, she wouldn't call you to bail her out. So please always check with me first. If you can't get me, tell Fiona, 'no'."

"Okay, Liv, but I think you are sometimes too strict with her. She's a good kid. Take the reins off a little. I promise I won't go against your rules, but I just think you should give her more credit," Natalie said.

Olivia rolled her eyes. Fitz's sister meant well, but she tended to interfere in their family business a little too often.

"Natalie, I have to go," Olivia said.

"You're bringing the kids over to Mom's and Dad's, right? I have some things for them I want to bring by."

"Yes. I'll see you later then," Olivia said. _What does she have for them now?_

Natalie and her husband Elliott never had kids. They showered Bakari, Binti, Gerry, and Fiona with gifts a little too often for Olivia's liking.

"Okay," said Natalie.

* * *

"If you could reduce your marital problems down to a popcorn kernel, what would it be?" Dr. Giovanni asked. "Either one of you can answer first."

Olivia and Fitz sat on the couch of Dr. Giovanni's office. She was their marriage counselor and this was their second visit.

Fitz went first. "Olivia doesn't think I respect her."

Olivia's head whipped around to look at Fitz in shock.

"Olivia, you seem shocked. Is that true?" Dr. Giovanni asked.

"Yes, but I never really told you that." Olivia said.

"I know but I'm beginning to understand this as the problem even if it is not accurate. I respect you, Livy."

"Well, this is progress. At least we agree on the kernel of the problem. Now, Fitz do you have a complaint against Olivia since it seems that the problem flows in one direction?"

"No, not really…" He turned and looked at Olivia for a full minute before turning back to Dr. Giovanni.

"I am still pretty angry that my wife was going to sneak away with my children like a thief in the night with that asshole, Jake."

"Fitz, I wasn't sneaking away with Jake. He-"

"Olivia, please let your husband speak," Dr. Giovanni said.

"I think...I...I feel like she doesn't love me...or maybe that she regrets marrying me. I can't imagine life without her," Fitz said, turning to look at Olivia, "...but I am afraid she imagines her life without me."

Fitz kept his eyes on the therapist. Olivia looked at his profile.

"Oh, Fitz, honey. I'm sorry you feel this way. I don't imagine my life without you." She reached for his arm and squeezed.

"Olivia and Fitz, I'm sorry but we have to stop now. I think you both should continue this conversation. Many times we rely on and take comfort in our preconceived notions. It seems that you both need to break those down and share them more. Next week we can talk about the origin of this feeling of disrespect you feel, Olivia. We can also talk about when you first felt this imbalance of love in your relationship, Fitz. I want both of you to think about your first memories of the kernels we have spoken about today. We are ending when both of you are at a vulnerable place. I suggest you talk more about it privately while it's still fresh. We will explore this more next week." Dr Giovanni said.

* * *

They sat in the car of the parking deck still absorbing what had occurred during that session. There had been no time to bring up Fiona.

"Fitz, I couldn't live with myself if you didn't know how much I love you. I've never imagined my life without you," she said while she dabbed her eyes with a Kleenex.

He wanted to comfort her, but he couldn't. "I find that hard to believe if you were leaving me. I'm not trying to hurt you, but that's what leaving is right, making your own path?"

A fresh batch of tears filled her eyes. "It's not about that. Lately, I've felt like you love me but you don't value my opinion or my contribution...like I'm not really a partner...I think I have felt it was okay to discount your feelings because you discounted mine."

"Livy, I do see you as a partner." He reached in the glove box for another tissue to help her wipe her tears. "Whatever you want to do…with your life…the community center…let's talk about it. Is that okay?"

She nodded and reached for his hand. "Fitz am not leaving our family, okay? We can get through this. We have to.


	6. Fill Me

**Chapter 6**

**Fill Me**

* * *

_November 1998_

_Atlanta, GA_

"Are you sure you're ready, Liv?" Miriam said. She and Olivia settled on a bench to savor their ice cream cones outside Brain Freeze ice cream shop. This was a treat to celebrate the completion of their last midterm final. It was late November, but weather rarely dictated students' desire for ice cream.

"Yes, Mir. I'm more than ready to be with Fitz," Olivia said. Her eyes wondered around at the other students littered along the quad enjoying their frozen treats. "It's like some weird role switching going on because he wants to wait. Wait for what? I'm practically waving it in his face and he is being such a gentleman about it. I don't want a gentleman. 'Cause I get so lonely. Can't let... just anybody hold meeeee."

They burst out laughing at Olivia's imitation of a popular Janet Jackson song.

"What's so funny?" Abby demanded. She plopped down between them on the bench.

"'Ms. Jackson If You're Nasty', over here is hot for her man, but he is less hot for her. She's channeling Janet Jackson," Miriam said.

"I swear, Liv. You might be the oldest, but you are still a child," Abby said with a knowing glance. "What were you doing for those two years you took off before college? Obviously, _not_ getting any. If you want him, you need to take him. Men can't resist a targeted sexual take down," Abby said.

"She shouldn't seduce him unless she's prepared for the consequences, Abby. I mean a man can only take so much before he throws caution to the wind. And when do they ever throw getting some to the wind?" Miriam said before she chuckled.

"I don't care about the consequences, Miriam!" Olivia said. "I want the consequences, no, I need them. If I had balls, they'd be royal blue right now!"

Abby and Miriam laughed at her.

"Liv, we will give you some tried and true strategies, but be prepared. You can't unring that bell," Miriam said.

"I don't care. At this point, I'd ring my own bell if I knew how!" Olivia said.

Miriam and Abby looked at each other and then back at Olivia. "Come on, Liv! You gotta be kidding me? You don't know how to wet your own whistle?" Abby said.

Olivia didn't answer. She bit off a healthy portion of ice cream and instantly regretted it because of the coldness. Swallowing it brought on an ice cream headache.

"Aww, Liv. Know thyself is always the first rule of sex," Miriam said. "Aww, you have an ice cream headache honey? Rub your thumb on the roof of your mouth."

* * *

Olivia was coming apart at the seams with desire for Fitz. It was the night Thanksgiving break officially began. Olivia was at Fitz's apartment spending the night so that they could leave on an early flight to Dallas. Olivia had it in her mind to seduce Fitz tonight. When she had confirmed her virginity status, he had been adamant about waiting to consummate their relationship. Olivia couldn't imagine what he was waiting for. It couldn't be marriage because that was the furthest thing from her mind. Besides they'd only been dating for about two months. Even though she was older than her friends, having taken a year and a half off to travel before going to college, she still felt like the youngest in more ways than that one. Tonight she was intent on rectifying that even if she had to play dirty. She and Fitz had pushed the boundaries of foreplay without having sex so she knew what turned him on. Armed with that, a few pointers from Miriam and Abby, and a revealing white teddy, she was ready to seal the deal.

"Livy, I was thinking it would be fun for me to teach you to make spanikopita tonight," Fitz said once they were settled inside his apartment."

"There are many things I want you to teach me tonight, but none of them involve us standing up," Olivia said in her best sexy voice. She dropped her jacket to reveal that she was wearing nothing but the white teddy.

He grinned and observed her from head to toe.

This made Olivia bolder. She closed the space between them, turned around so that her back was to him, and shimmied to the floor, rubbing herself against him just like her friends had instructed.

"Baby, you should stop before this goes to far," he said rubbing his hands down the front of her teddy.

"That's what I'm betting on," she responded with a sly smile.

His hands stopped their descent down her body, just below her belly button. He turned her around and considered her for a minute. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Olivia's heart skipped a beat. They'd been physically close over the course of their two month long relationship, but she always found it emotionally and sexually overwhelming to be under his direct gaze.

"Umm..I...I want us to make love...like really make love tonight," she stammered after realizing she she had been staring at him for awhile. She smiled again but this time licked her lips slowly, hoping she looked sexy. When his eyes fell to her lips, his hardness pushed against her hip. This emboldened her further.

"Don't you want me, Fitz?" she asked looking up at him with her best expression of innocence. "I want you so much. You know I haven't been with a man before, but tonight I am ready. I want to give you all of me." Olivia held her breath and searched his eyes.

He placed his hands on her shoulders. "Olivia, I want to make love to you. I'm just not sure that you are ready."

This made Olivia angry. She loved Fitz, but she hated it when he made these grand declarations about her. He was beginning to do this sort of thing more and more. The most recent example involved her parents. When she told them she wouldn't be home for Thanksgiving, they'd been understandably upset and expressed that to her one night over the phone. Fitz had been present during the call. After the argument she had with her parents, he'd announced, "You need to visit your parents. We'll stop by their house when we return from Dallas. At the time, Olivia had been relieved to have a resolution, but increasingly, she became irritated when he made decisions for her.

Olivia dropped her sexpot act, rolled her eyes, and walked away from him and to the bathroom where her bag lay in a chair. She started getting dressed. "Forget it, Fitz. Where do you get off telling me I'm not ready. I'm ready all right. I'm sure there are others out there who would agree," she uttered with just enough sass.

Olivia had her back turned to him. She felt him before she saw him. One minute she was standing in his bedroom, rifling through her bag, the next minute she was flush against him as he assaulted her lips. She felt like she was drowning and not able to catch her breath. She moaned deeply at the fire that was burning deep in her abdomen. Fitz picked her up and carried her to the bed. He laid her down and settled on top of her. "You are mine. There are no others," he whispered raggedly against her lips.

Olivia nodded while pulling his lips back to hers. _All it took was a little old fashioned jealously? I didn't even think about that, _she thought.

She was like a woman possessed. She dipped her tongue deep into his mouth, exploring as far she could go. Fitz was equally possessed but he tried to temper his passion knowing what lay ahead.

"Livy, baby, let's slow down."

"No," she said with a smile reaching for his lips again. She reached between them and stuck her hand inside the front of his sweat pants while pulling them down as far as she could with her other hand. It was warm there. She massaged him as best she could since she was becoming increasingly distracted by his massaging fingers between her legs. Their gaze held as they massaged each other. She felt a sticky moistness against the tip of his manhood just before he manacled her wrists and pulled her arms over her head. He ground his hips into her. She wrapped her legs around his waist and moved her hips around until his manhood lay against her opening. She rubbed against him releasing the wetness that was collecting there, but that was insufficient since his briefs provided yet another barrier.

"Make love to me," she said releasing her hands and reaching for his briefs. He let her take the lead to remove them. When he was naked, he knelt over her and removed her teddy. Now they were simply separated by space.

"Livy," Fitz whispered, settling beside her. He propped his head up on his hand, running his fingers along the space between her breasts. "Why are you so intent on doing this this tonight?"

Olivia didn't answer immediately. She was too busy imagining how it would feel when he slid inside her. She anticipated some pain, but she was ready to face it. Sitting up she, propped her head in her hand, shadowing him and moving closer.

"Because I am ready. You have to be ready too. I hear Patrick talking about your women before we got together. So, I totally don't understand why you don't want to," Olivia wondered. She reached out and took his turgid penis in her hand. She rubbed all of him. Olivia could tell she was affecting him until he winced.

"Sorry, I never touched...um...those before. I'll be more gentle next time."

He grinned and leaned forward, kissing her gently on the lips. "You're ready, huh?"

He kissed her again. She nodded against his lips. He pushed against her chest until her back touched the bed. He propped himself up beside her again.

"I'm not sure if you're ready, Livy. But we can still have fun tonight," he said, deliberately sliding his palm, fingers first down her abdomen. Olivia's muscles jumped hither and yon. When he reached her mound, her grabbed all of her in his hand. She liked the way it felt, for all of her to be in his hand.

"Spread your thighs wide...and bend your legs," Fitz ordered, peering into her eyes.

Using the heel of his palm, he rubbed against the top of the triangle between her legs. He rubbed in deft circles there as he kissed her neck. When Olivia began to involuntarily lift her hips against his hand, he stopped. His fingers made lazy concentric circles around the top of the juncture of her thighs until he found her nub of flesh. He started to rub it slowly matching the rhythm of her hips. She was already wet, but with each caress of his finger released a fresh flow of hot liquid from her. Fitz continued to change the pressure of his caresses until he found what she liked. Her thrusts against his finger as well as her increased moans gave him the indication that she was experiencing the pleasure he desired for her. He loved watching her, head thrown back, hands grasping the comforter.

"Fitz, mmm."

He slipped two fingers inside her while massaging her on the outside with his thumb. The sensations coiled tighter and tighter. She exhaled just before her body collapsed in release. He turned her face to his. She smiled. He smiled back and topped it off with a kiss. He settled between her thighs and placed the tip of his penis on her and rubbed it up and down her opening. He traced inside the folds of flesh there and across her opening. Olivia lifted her hips and rubbed with him. He lay over her and caressed her nipples. He drew on her nipple, while returning his fingers to her core. He suckled both breasts while Olivia's hands grasped his hair. Olivia jumped a little when she felt him there knowing he would be dipping inside her soon.

"Did you like that?" he asked.

"Yes," she whispered. "I'm ready. I brought condoms."

He continued caressing her with his fingers until he wasn't massaging anymore. She watched his head descend down her body until all she could see was his wavy hair, back hair peeking up between her legs. When she couldn't think it could get any better, she felt him pull back her lips and lick up and down the sensitive walls hidden behind the folds of flesh. After he attended to both sides, he ended at the hood of her that covered her clitoris. He pulled it back and painted a picture on her canvass.

Olivia laid back and let the sensations ride over her until the sounds of her pleasure surprised her.

* * *

"Livy, they are going to love you. There is no need to be nervous," Fitz assured as he drove down the long road to his family's ranch in Dallas.

"I'm not nervous." But she was nervous about meeting Fitz's family. In fact she was having second thoughts. She let all the doubts fill her head. _Why am I meeting his family? How long is this relationship going to last? Are they really racists like Patrick said? _

During her hostess shifts in the lull after the lunch rush and before the dinner rush, Patrick would strike up conversations with her about any number of things. From their conversations, Olivia found him to be immature for his age. He was nothing like Fitz. Despite this, Olivia enjoyed talking with him because she was guaranteed a laugh. Last week, he had talked about her impending visit to Dallas.

"Come on Liv, are you ready to dump my brother yet? I am a better version of him," Patrick whispered in Olivia's ear. She looked in the direction of his voice, but he tapped her on the opposite shoulder. This was his favorite way to greet her.

"Patrick, you are bad...too naughty for me," Olivia teased as she stacked menus.

"No, that's my brother. He's the naughty one. I'm a gentle soul," Patrick said.

"Okay, Patrick. I'll remember that," Olivia laughed.

"I should tell you that my grandparents are mildly racist. They are from another time. I thought you should know," Patrick said.

Before Olivia could respond, three diners appeared at the host stand. As Olivia greeted and sat them, she continued to think about Patrick's comment.

Now as they traversed the road, minutes before reaching Fitz's family home, Olivia was apprehensive about what lay ahead.

* * *

"So...how did you two meet?" Leslie, Fitz's mother, asked. Thanksgiving dinner was in full swing around the long cherry wood table. Fitz sat to her right. His sister, Natalie sat to her left.

"She is a hostess at the Atlanta restaurant," Fitz sud, grasping Olivia's hand and smiling at her.

"He broke a few laws when he asked her out during her interview," Patrick said. That comment drew laughs from everyone at the table.

Olivia joined in the laughter until she caught Fitz's grandmother's gaze. Her face held a sour expression. Olivia smiled at her, but she continued with the disdain filled look. _So she must be the mild racist._ Olivia looked away. Fitz's grandfather seemed more pleasant.

* * *

Olivia was lost. In search of a bathroom, she had wondered down the wrong hallway of the grand house. She thought she had been transported to an episode of Dynasty when they'd pulled up to the main house.

"This is not good for you, Fitzgerald. In fact, it's a liability. You must not go through with this. I won't support you," his grandmother said.

"I am well aware of your thoughts on the matter.. I am not asking for your permission, though I would prefer that you give me your blessing," Fitz said.

"I want to, dear, but I cannot on this issue."

Olivia stopped in her tracks as she heard their conversation from the hallway. Fitz and his grandmother were in a room that looked like a cross between a library and an office. She felt like a cold bucket of water had fallen on her. _She is trying to convince him to stop seeing me, _Olivia thought.

* * *

"Liv, I don't understand. You are breaking up with him, why?" Miriam. She flipped through her organic chemistry textbook.

"His grandmother told him not to date me. It was pretty intense...their conversation. I thought she was going to disown him. I don't need that drama, right?" Olivia said.

"But I thought you said you loved him? Is this worth a breakup?"

"It doesn't matter. I don't even care any more. It wasn't like our relationship was going to go any where."

"Okay, but I don't think it is going to be as easy as you're making it. Come on, Liv. You don't want to break up with him. That's not even a good reason. What's going on?"

"Miriam, we have better things to talk about than my love life. Tell me about that guy you went out with last night," Olivia said.

* * *

"Olivia, what's going on? You've been avoiding me," Fitz said. He had pulled Olivia into the manager's office at the restaurant just before her shift. She had been planning her shifts around his trips to out of town. This time she hadn't been able to escape him.

"I'm not avoiding you, Fitz. I've just been busy with school and life in general."

"I thought I was part of your life in general. I know you. You are avoiding me. Why?" he asked moving closer to her in the small office.

She looked at him, almost giving up, but then she remembered what his grandmother had said about not supporting him.

"Tell me why, and I'll stop bothering you."

She looked away from him and considered his words. "I overheard you talking to your grandmother when we were there for Thanksgiving. Fitz, I know she doesn't like me for whatever reason. I don't think-"

"What are you talking about, Livy?" Fitz said.

"I overheard you having a conversation with your grandmother. She was telling you that she didn't want you dating me...that she wouldn't support you."

Fitz looked into the distance trying to recollect the event she described.

"A couple of months ago, I considered investing in a friend's business. Gran Gran was against it wholeheartedly. It had nothing to do with you...with us," he explained grasping both of her hands.

Olivia felt nauseous all of a sudden.

"Are you okay, Livy?" Fitz asked.

Before she could answer, her stomach twisted violently and she vomited onto the floor of the office.

* * *

"I don't care what that test says. I can't be pregnant. Fitz and I haven't even had sex yet...the kind that can make babies. I think my hormones are out of whack," Olivia was in her dorm room bed. She looked drained and tired.

"Liv, at anytime during your non-baby making sex did his penis touch your vagina," Abby asked pacing the floor as if she was grilling a witness.

"What kind of question is that Abby?"

"It's a legitimate question," Miriam said.

Olivia rolled her eyes. "Who died and made you all the authority on sex. Yes, those parts did touch, counselor," Olivia said.

"So...you could be pregnant, Liv. You're late, you're nauseated, you're a pain in the ass..."

Olivia prepared for a snappy comeback, but couldn't because a fresh wave of nausea catapulted her towards the bathroom.

"So when are you going to tell him, Liv?" Miriam said. She knelt beside Olivia, holding her hair back as she emptied her stomach in the toilet.

"Yeah, Liv. No, wait! What about your parents? When are you telling them?" Abby added.

"No pregnancy...has been...confirmed yet," Olivia said shakily, leaning back against the cold tub, "So, I'm not, nor are either of you, telling anyone."

Olivia stood and washed out her mouth. "Just when I thought Fitz and I were in a good place, this happens. I thought his grandmother hated me. Turns out it was a misunderstanding. I can't be pregnant. What is he going to say?"

"Liv, there's no doubt that he loves you. I bet he's going to ask you to marry him," Miriam said.

"No, he's not going to do that. What if he asks me to get an abortion?"

"You sure aren't talking like someone who thinks she's _not_ pregnant," Abby chimed in.

"I'm just thinking of all the possibilities, Abby. I'm going to the clinic tomorrow," Olivia said.

* * *

"Are you feeling better, Livy?" Fitz asked. They were lounging on his sofa after a light dinner of soup and grilled cheese. This was all she could keep down.

"A little," she said, snuggling deeper into his arms. It felt good to be there.

He hugged her closer and reached for the remote control. "You know, Gran Gran asked if you were coming back for Christmas," Fitz said.

Olivia's eyes opened in surprise. "Really? I know you cleared up what I thought I heard, but she was shooting me darts every time she looked at me. At least my family loves you, almost to a fault though," Olivia observed. At times Olivia felt like Fitz and her father saw eye to eye too much when they'd visited the Friday and Saturday after Thanksgiving.

"She was wary of you because I've been a little...how can I put this...preoccupied with you, Livy. I've never remained in Atlanta this long. I haven't invited someone home for the holidays in a while. So, she was just checking you out."

"Fitz, I want to tell you something."

"What, baby?"

Olivia set up and turned to face him. "You know I've been sick lately. Well, I went to the doctor's and-"

The phone rang, interrupting Olivia's revelation.

"Hold that thought, Livy. I need to get this just in case it's Patrick or Sally with an emergency at the restaurant," Fitz explained, with a peck on her lips.

Olivia smiled as she observed him on the phone.

"How in the hell did that happen, Patrick? Okay I'm on my way," Fitz said, hanging up. He swiped an irritated hand through his hair.

"What's wrong?"

"The health inspector was just there. We were written up for code violations. I have no idea how that was possible since Sally is a stickler about keeping things to code. It has to be something Patrick did. I need to get to the restaurant. Do you want to ride with me or stay here?"

"Maybe you should drop me off at the dorm or I can get Miriam to give me a ride," Olivia suggested.

"No, I want us to enjoy our night. I'll take care of this and be back soon. Put in a movie and sleep. I'll wake you when I get back," Fitz insisted.

Olivia smiled and nodded her head in agreement. When he left, she decided to let the tiredness overtake her. She drifted off to sleep.


	7. Unexpected

"**Unexpected"**

**Chapter 7**

* * *

"Olivia, we'd love it if you'd take the job," Rosalind said, extending her hand to Olivia and flashing a closed mouth smile.

Olivia glanced at the eager faces around the long rectangular meeting table in the conference room of the Community Improvement Initiative. Her brow furrowed in confusion when her gaze rested on Jake's self-satisfied expression. She sensed he had something to do with the job offer. Olivia felt blindsided and totally unprepared for this turn of events. Her unpreparedness extended even to her attire. With the intention of spending hours bent over a computer and attached to her phone, Olivia had dressed down in well-worn jeans, an orange hoodie emblazoned with the community center's logo, and a pair of Fiona's orange and white checkerboard Keds, long discarded because they were, 'so lame.' Her twists were pulled back in a high ponytail.

With the expectation of hiding in her small office, she had avoided her coworkers so as not to be distracted with small talk, requests for help, or questions about her projects. She'd come in this Saturday to work on several time sensitive projects that she knew wouldn't get done if she only worked within the confines of her part time hours. Clarissa's knock on her office door an hour into her labor caused mild irritation that soon turned into confusion when she announced that the executive board wanted to see her in the conference room.

Jake met her at the door and ushered her to the seat at the head of the table opposite him. He launched into a presentation about the center. Still confused, Olivia listened intently until her mind started to wonder to the work she'd left on her desk. Her mind refocused on his presentation when she heard him list off past projects she'd completed. Then he began expounding on the qualifications of the perfect candidate for the Director of Community Partnerships position that had recently been created after an infusion of cash from a successful grant. The new position caused a buzz of excitement in the office. This expansion signaled the success of the non-profit in a precarious economy, but mostly, it piqued the interest of many of the veteran staff that saw it as an opportunity to advance. Olivia shared in this excitement and even imagined herself in the position, but she'd pushed that thought away since her recent part time status, she reasoned, didn't even put her on the radar screen of possible candidates.

Over the 4 months since she'd tried to leave Fitz, so much had changed for the better in their marriage. Nothing was perfect, but regular visits to Dr. Giovanni had opened up their communication. When a part time program assistant position opened up at the center, Olivia had jumped at the job with Fitz's encouragement. Jake still remained a point of contention between them. When he was promoted to Executive Director, his increased travel became the impromptu remedy to this problem. Even though Olivia and Fitz explored their relationship, identifying the signposts that may have led them to their marital wows, Fitz was adamant that the 'wedge issue,' as he called it, was Jake. Olivia wholeheartedly disagreed, pointing instead to their miscommunication, long held notions about each other, and their history. After awhile, they no longer spoke about Jake nor brought it up to Dr. Giovanni. Out of sight out of mind was the realm he had been relegated to in the past weeks.

Now, she sat there at the table, nervously swiveling her wedding ring set around her finger as she heard Jake say, "As the board narrowed in on whom they wanted for this position, your name kept coming up, Olivia. Many on the board thought you were a regular employee and not a volunteer because of the tremendous work you've done here. You are a champion for the center, passionate about its work, and committed to its mission. There is only one choice for the Director of Community Partnerships."

That's when Rosalind chimed in with the offer.

Olivia pulled at her earlobe and squeezed her eyes shut in an effort to gather her thoughts. "I-I don't know what to say. I'm flattered, but there are others that have been at the center longer than I have…"

Even as she voiced her concerns, a rush of excitement filled her chest as she imagined ways to facilitate partnerships between community stakeholders.

"Olivia, everyone who works for CII believes in doing what is best and in the interest of furthering our mission. It has been decided that you are the best," Rosalind said, her smile now revealing her teeth. "It is good practice to take 24 hours to consider offers such as this, be assured that while the salary is not as much as we'd like it is generous and comes with it other benefits. You'll have access and proximity to the movers and shakers in this city. Don't answer now. Think about it." Rosalind pushed a blue folder to Olivia.

"This is our offer and job description. Should you take the position, we want to know your thirty, sixty, ninety day plans. Let Jake know what you need as you'll be working closely with him," Rosalind said.

At her last comment, Olivia's eyes met Jake's. She had an uneasy feeling that this was a ploy to win her affections. _But it can't be. Why would he go to such lengths when we were never anything but friends and not even close friends_? Olivia thought. She pushed her thoughts away.

"I'm a little speechless right now. I'll take this and leave so I won't embarrass myself. Work to do, but I'll give the offer serious consideration and get back with you as soon as possible," Olivia said. She stood and shook each person's hand before backing out of the room. The board members chuckled as she left.

Olivia released the door and headed back to her office. Sitting down in her office chair, she didn't remember how she got back to her office. She'd literally lost 5 minutes of her life trying to figure out what had happened in that conference room. Aside from a couple of interviews in her teenage years for jobs to make extra money, her college entrance interview, her interview with Fitz to work at _The Dish_, and her interview to volunteer at community center, Olivia was relatively inexperienced with interviews. But then she realized that this hadn't been an interview. It was more like an announcement of intentions. She smiled as she thought how similar it had been to her faux interview with Fitz years ago when he'd offered her a job and asked her out all in one sentence.

Olivia peeked inside the folder. Her eyes scanned the contents. She closed it quickly and set it aside.

"I can't think about this right now," she said aloud, with a touch of her mouse pad to bring her sleeping laptop to life.

"You can't think about what right now?" Clarissa said. She stood at Olivia's door with her neck craned around the door. "They offered you the position didn't they? You bitch! You are my program assistant and now you're going to be my boss? I'm mad as hell!"

Olivia knew Clarissa well so she ignored her expletives. She knew Clarissa wasn't really mad. They worked well together and enjoyed a genuine collegiality and commitment to their work at the center. Of all the staff, Clarissa never expressed interest in the position. She was that rare person who was completely satisfied with her job as Program Administrator, never desiring to advance.

"Clarissa, please let me work. My asshole of a boss, translation, you, has given me an impossible amount of work that can't possibly be done by a part time worker, but yes they did offer it to me."

"I knew it, Liv! You have to accept." Clarissa crossed her arms and leaned against the door.

"Why? You could easily do that job, not to mention you are better qualified…"

"But I don't want it, Liv. I'm content just where I am. I'm not the partnership making, people person type…that is you. Now you know you'll have to help me find someone to fill your position."

"Clarissa, I haven't accepted it yet, but thanks for the flattery. There's a lot of that going around today…"

* * *

"Jake, are you sure you had nothing to do with this?" Olivia said as Jake accompanied her on the short walk to her car. It was late afternoon on Saturday. Olivia had made some headway on her projects, but the job offer continued invading her thoughts. One thought led to another until she was daydreaming about what she could accomplish in that new job. She'd think of an organization she could work with, visit their website, and follow a tangential thought that would lead to another website. This snowballed until she lost two hours of work time. By 3:30, she decided to call it a day and go home.

"If by that, you mean did I wholeheartedly support you as the perfect candidate for the job, then yes," Jake said. "What are you really asking, Olivia?"

She stopped at the passenger door of her car and watched as two young girls walked by with their heads bent over a smart phone. Olivia wondered when they would look up before walking into someone or something in their path. The girls reminded her of Fiona.

"Jake we haven't really talked in months so I could be reading too much into this. A couple of months ago you wanted…you pursued more between us and I wanted to make sure this wasn't—"

"I don't mean to interrupt you Olivia, but I must interject. You're asking if I am trying to curry favor with you by convincing the board to offer you this position so we can get closer...have an affair?" Jake said. "With all due respect, don't flatter yourself. I don't chase married women and I certainly don't go around using my job, which I care deeply about, as a tool to bring us closer. Rosalind actually added your name to our list of candidates. I was just as surprised as you were that they would want to consider you since you really don't have the credentials aside from your volunteer work and recent part time work. I did give my opinion that I had faith in your abilities, but I didn't manufacture this. So you can attribute this opportunity to the realm of a blessing, fate, the fruit of your labor…however you make sense of life. If you decide not to take the job, please let us know as soon as possible. It's great to see you as always," Jake said, stoically. His smile reached his eyes, but Olivia knew it wasn't genuine.

"Okay…" she said.

"Enjoy the rest of your weekend, Olivia, and give my regards to your husband and family," he said. He touched her shoulder and walked away.

"I guess he told me," Olivia said aloud to herself as she unlocked her car and watched him walk away.

* * *

"Have I told you that you are a superb husband, Fitz?" Olivia said. She took a sip of of Pinot and savored it on her tongue before letting it slide down her throat. Her Saturday had turned out to be full of unexpected surprises, now sensual delights.

"The way you've been screaming my name and pulling my hair is enough appreciation, Livy," he said. He kissed her on the cheek and pulled her closer. Olivia had been expecting to come home to a house full of bored and hungry kids. Fitz was working from home on this Saturday which enabled her the freedom to work all day. They only let Fiona babysit for an hour or two, never for an entire day. Instead she'd entered a house devoid of children. The dining room table was set for two, the scent of spices wafted from the stove and rose petals littered the floor leading to the bedroom. She'd followed their path to the bathroom where Fitz sat by the tub in the red silk boxer shorts printed with "Mr. Good Bar" candies she'd given him years ago on Valentine's Day. It was a gag gift they'd laughed about for months. When she saw them, they made her giggle until he started undressing her.

Fitz had arranged for Gerry, Binti, and Bakari to spend the night at his sister's house. Fiona was spending the night at her best friend, Pearl's house. Their therapist had encouraged them to plan time to be together as a couple. They had been good about complying, but lately they hadn't been making love as much. Olivia's new part time job and Fitz's increased travel coupled with the regular responsibilities of parenthood and home didn't leave much time for an indulgent sex life.

His plan had almost been thwarted when Olivia told him she was going to work all day Saturday. It was partly his fault for assuming she'd be home instead of asking her about her plans earlier in the week. Assuming usually got him in trouble he learned in therapy. But he still found it hard to ask Olivia about her plans when he was so used to her plans chiefly involving all things family with the occasional blip of volunteering and an occasional drink with a college friend who passed through town.

Olivia sighed and smiled. "My body is buzzing, Fitz. It feels like a long time since we had that much time with each other. Let's run away and make love across these contiguous 50 states."

Fitz laughed deeply. "Now I know you're drunk, Livy. I wish I could take you up on that. It brings new meaning to coming across state lines."

They convulsed in laughter again as Fitz began to tickle Olivia. After their shenanigans, Olivia settled on his chest. "Thanks for this, honey. We'll have to schedule a love fest for at least once per month with the children safely away. I love my babies, but it's so hard to be adventurous knowing that there can be a knock on the door at any moment."

"Yeah, baby. We have to make a point to create time for this." He reached for one of her flyaway twists hanging haphazardly from her head and twirled it around his finger. "So did you get much work done at the center today?"

Olivia's carefree feeling vanished as she remembered the job offer. She wasn't sure how Fitz would take the news. While he supported her part time job, she wasn't sure how he would react to a full time job that would, no doubt, require much more time than she was giving, which still was a great deal of time. She considered whether or not she should mention it and threaten to derail their almost Zen state of bliss.

"No. I got distracted today."

Fitz gave a contented sigh. On the exhale she felt his manhood stir under her thigh. She ground her hips slightly into him aware that she might welcome his arousal as a way to delay a conversation about the job offer. "Really?" Fitz asked. He lifted up on propped elbows and kissed her lips. "What distracted you?"

"The…executive board…came…by…" she explained punctuating her words with kisses down his chest.

"Mmm hmm," he said closing his eyes and placing his hands behind his head.

"They…offered…me…the…Director of Community Partnerships position," she said. By now she was ready to take him into her mouth.

"Sounds nice," he mumbled.

Olivia smiled and wrapped her fingers around him.

"Wait, Livy. What did you say?" He threw back the sheet and pulled her up to face him in the bed.

Olivia pursed her lips and gave him a summary of the day's events.

"So you are considering it…taking this job?"

"I haven't really had time to think about it yet. It was just this morning. I, of course, want to talk to you about it first. I'd be facilitating collaboration between community stakeholders for their support of different needs in the community. There's a little travel and some after hours work hobnobbing to get money, but not too much. What do you think?"

"Why would they offer you that position when you've been a volunteer for only a year. It's been less than two months since you've been working there part time. It doesn't make sense."

"Well thanks for the vote of confidence, Fitz." Olivia felt anger rising in her chest. "I'll have to ask them why they offered it to someone so grossly under qualified as me."

"Livy, I didn't mean it like that. Come on!" He pulled at her but she snatched away and jumped off the bed in search of her robe. She stopped, spun around, and glared at him, unconcerned about her nakedness. "How the hell did you mean it then?"

"As someone who has a lot of experience in hiring staff, I was wondering why they made that particular decision since the job seems like a senior position. You've had less than two years experience so I was just curious. You're great at organizing and strategizing so it's…" Fitz attempted, trying to smooth it over.

"Organizing carpools and strategizing for PTA fundraisers, right? It's a good thing Jake and the board have faith in my abilities." She walked into the bathroom and snatched her robe from the overhanging door rack.

"Jake? _Jake_! I should have known! He is behind this isn't he? I thought he was out of day-to-day operations. So he gave you this job? It's obvious why when you aren't qualified." He stood on the other side of the door waiting for her to appear. When she did, he said, "You can't take that job, Olivia. He's using this job to try to get close to you. It's obvious he'll do anything."

"You are a rare piece of work. You think Jake created some job just to get in my pants! He and the executive board recognize my value. They see me as more than simply something to acquire. They want me because I have the skills and the knowledge to take the Community Improvement Initiative to the next level. In their eyes, I am brilliant enough, smart enough, skilled enough to do that. I am…enough! Period! You've never given me any credit except for what you were trying to get from me. Even when you hired me in your restaurant, you did then what you are accusing Jake of now. You gave me a job with ulterior motives!" She walked past him.

Fitz grabbed her arm. "Livy, I'm sorry. I'm not trying to imply that you wouldn't do a good job. It's just that opportunities like that don't happen in a vacuum. There's a reason. I think that reason is Jake. I love you, Livy. Come on…stop twisting my words."

Olivia decided to let go of her anger, but she held on to her hurt. "Let me go, please," she whispered.

He dropped her arm.

"I am not going to argue with you about this. I am taking the job. You can choose to accept that or not. I don't care." She scooped up their dirty clothes hamper and walked to the laundry room. She needed a mundane task like the laundry to help her calm down completely.

* * *

"How do you want your hair, Fiona?" Pearl asked.

Fiona looked up from her cell phone and considered the mess of hair around her head. "You decide, Pearl. Your creations are always better than anything I can think of."

It was Saturday night and Fiona was content. Sleeping over at Pearl's house was always preferable to staying at home. When her dad had suggested she spend Saturday night at Pearl's so he and her mom could have a date night, she'd been elated. It beat watching her brothers and sister when they went out on a date. Fiona scoffed at them and their date nights. It seemed so fake to her.

"Okay. How about I give you a series of cornrows to the back. When you take them out tomorrow. You'll have nice waves," Pearl said.

"Whatever, Pearl," Fiona said absently swiping through her phone. "I wish Jason would stop asking me out. He's friends with Dean and I think that would be gross don't you?" Fiona rolled her eyes and laid her phone on the dresser. She closed her eyes and enjoyed the feeling of Pearl brushing her hair.

Fiona and Pearl had been friends off and on since fourth grade when Pearl's family moved to the neighborhood. Her parents were from Monrovia, Liberia. Her mother was a hospital administrator and her dad worked for the WHO. He often traveled from the US to parts of West and South Africa for his job.

Their initial meeting hadn't been a good one. Fiona had been part of a group of girls who had teased Pearl from the moment she entered Mrs. Blake's fourth grade class. She was tall, skinny, dark-skinned, with a shock of short of hair. Later Pearl admitted that her mom had taken her to a salon for a permanent that had relaxed most of her hair straight out of the follicle.

Fiona led the effort to make Pearl's life as difficult as a fourth grader could. Mostly she'd meet her on the playground and call out taunts, "Hey African booty scratcher. Why are your knees so ashy?" or "You are so black that it turns to night when you go outside." Fiona's taunts grew more vicious when Pearl refused to respond. She'd just stand there and rub on her cowrie shell necklace. After about two weeks, Fiona grabbed Pearl's necklace trying to get a rise out of her. It worked. Pearl flew into Fiona's body and started pounding her relentlessly. Fiona was no match for her targeted pounding. Pearl was suspended since no one admitted to Fiona's relentless bullying. After Fiona confessed this to her mother, Olivia phoned her mom and arranged for Fiona to apologize. In lieu of apologizing, Fiona gave Pearl her favorite Fun Time Fashion Barbie. From that day on they formed a friendship.

"Jason seems nice and cool. Why don't you at least talk to him? He's cute and smart and not a total dog like Dean," Pearl said. Pearl's phone rang at that moment and she stopped doing Pearl's hair to answer.

"Hey. Nothing. I'm thinking about you too, Kwam. Okay, that sounds good. I'll see you at the library tomorrow. Bye…You hang up first. Bye," Pearl smiled.

Fiona rolled her eyes as she took in Pearl's side of the conversation. She didn't really like Pearl's boyfriend. Kwame Jefferson. She even hated his name. Pearl really liked him so Fiona was forced to endure him.

"What does Kwame want?" Fiona asked after Pearl hung up.

"I'm meeting Kwame at the library tomorrow. You want to come?" Pearl asked. She resumed styling Fiona's hair, focusing on getting the part straight for the first cornrow down the middle of her head.

"I thought we were going to study together at Starbucks? But never mind. He is your boyfriend so whatever. Just be careful so you won't end up like my mom." Fiona's eyes trailed down Pearl's neck. She wished she had Pearl's long graceful neck. She also wished for the washboard flat stomach she knew lay under Pearls fitted V-neck t-shirt emblazoned with a familiar logo of Michael Jackson's black loafers balancing on tip toe. They had become real fans after his death. Fiona also noticed Pearl's small perky breasts and erect nipples pushing against her shirt. They were both dressed in their t-shirts and panties. Fiona knew that Pearl often lamented about her rail thin frame, preferring more voluptuous curves like Fiona's.

"What do you mean, Fiona?" Pearl asked, with a frown.

"I found one of my mom's diaries. She has diaries from high school if you can believe that. My mom is such a cornball. She tried to get me to keep a journal. I wouldn't dare write down anything because then she'd have something to be snooping around for. You know how she overreacted when she found that paper in my jeans pocket." Pearl continued frowning at her words. She never spoke badly about her own parents no matter how mad she was at them and she didn't like it when Fiona did so.

"I think your mom and dad are the coolest, especially your mom. She's so fun. I wish my mom could do to all those cool things your mom had done for us with PTA and your birthdays and stuff. It's like she's the perfect mom," Pearl said.

"Why does everyone say that? My dad is great, but my mom is… well I wish you'd take her. I'll take your mom. We can trade."

"I'm sure she'd love to send you back sometimes Fiona. You're not the easiest person to deal with most of the time!"

"Ouch! Shit, Fi! That hurt and it proves my point," Pearl said. She rubbed the butt cheek that Fiona had just slapped.

"Sorry, Pearl," Fiona laughed. "Let me kiss it all better."

Pearl moved away from her and plopped on the bed. "Just spill the beans or I'm going to leave you with your hair not even half way cornrowed. What did the diary say and what does that have to do with Kwame and me?"

Fiona swiveled around and straddled the chair to face Pearl. "Apparently, I was conceived miraculously, I'm practically like Jesus. What would that make me? The daughter of God?" Fiona looked into the distance in faux contemplation.

"What? I don't get it. Please tell me and stop joking!"

"I found an entry in my mom's diary where she writes about the first time she and my dad first did the deed. He goes down on her first then he puts his thing in her but he doesn't put it all the way in. He rubs the tip up and down the opening of her pussy," Fiona said, using hand motions.

"Eww, Fiona. How can you talk about your parents like that? I don't want to think about my parents and their private parts. Yuck! I want to think that there is nothing down there. I know about biology and everything, but I can't…" Pearl said, twisting her face.

"It is no big deal to me. I don't care. But in another entry, she writes how she goes to the doctor and the pregnancy is confirmed. Volia! Nine months later I'm on the scene. Isn't that crazy? I was a miracle or a horrible mistake. I think my mom believes the last thing."

Fiona lowered her head and tears began to well up in her eyes.

"Fiona. Stop it. Don't cry. Your mom doesn't think that…" She stood up and pulled a sobbing Fiona to her bed that held an overflow of stuffed animals and pillows.

"Fiona, you are a miracle," Pearl whispered. "You're my best friend."

"Lock the door, Pearl. I don't want your idiot brother to see me crying," Fiona said. Pearl complied but they both knew that wasn't the reason Fiona wanted her to lock the door.

Pearl returned to the bed and wiped away Fiona's tears. Fiona loved no one they way she loved Pearl. Three months ago when the rumors started spreading around school that Dean was hooking up with Debbie Benton behind the bleachers, Fiona ignored them. When a video circulating around school confirmed it, Fiona had been devastated. She'd refused to have sex with Dean, a vow that was easy to keep when her parents wouldn't let her go out with him. She had been forced to see a therapist to deal with whatever issues her mom thought she had based on the doodle she'd found in her jeans. When Fiona been particularly depressed after an argument with her mom about what she thought was an infringement on her privacy, she'd convinced her dad to let her spend the night with Pearl. It was that night that her friendship with Pearl became intimate.

Pearl had been working extremely hard to cheer Fiona up and pull her out of her depressed demeanor. Fiona shot down her attempts. That eventually made Pearl cry which increased the emotional intensity to a fevered pitch. Overcome by Pearl's tears, Fiona began to console her. Soon they were kissing and touching, and exploring each other's bodies. They never discussed it, but every time they spent the night together they would eventually end up naked writhing against each other.

Fiona always felt better after being with Pearl. She didn't think she was a lesbian, but she knew she loved Pearl and hated that Pearl had a boyfriend.

Tonight was just like all the others. After they locked the door, they had permission to be together. "Thank you for making be feel better Pearl," Fiona whispered.

Pearl smiled at her. Fiona smiled back. She pulled her t-shirt over her head, releasing her ample breasts, breasts she knew Pearl loved to the point of worship. She stuck her chest out as Pearl marveled at them. Then they both stood and dispensed with the rest of their clothing and jumped under the covers, giggling as if they knew a delicious secret.

"Keep it down in there!" Zwange yelled banging on the wall from the next room.

"Shut up Zwange!" they yelled in unison, convulsing in more giggles until their giggles turned to kisses.

Fiona pulled back first. "Pearl, I found this video online of these two women doing it. I want to try it to see if we can have an orgasm. It'll be fun. Wanna try?"

"I don't know… I don't…If you want to," Pearl said.

There was something in Pearl's voice that made Fiona pause. "Pearl, do you love me?" Fiona asked.

"Yeah, Fiona. You're my best friend."

"I mean do you love me, love me. Like you would love a boy, like Kwame?"

"I don't know, Fiona. I just love you."

Fiona was silent. "Are you getting mad?" Pearl asked.

"Do you like it when…we are…together?" Fiona asked.

"I like it because it makes you feel good, Fiona. I mean it's okay. Kissing Kwame is different. It makes me feel different. Don't be mad, Fiona. I don't like girls like that. You don't either. We're just being…close."

"Whatever, Pearl. Forget it. Let's just go to sleep. I'm sorry I brought it up." Fiona turned and faced the opposite direction, cocooning herself in the bedclothes.

After they lay there for awhile, Pearl turned around and released the sheet that was tucked around Fiona. She pressed her body to hers. Fiona stiffened, her body straight as a board. Pearl grabbed her breasts from behind and squeezed her nipples as hard as she could.

"Fiona, you are such a brat sometimes, but you are my brat. Get your damn phone and show me that video. I call dibs on the first orgasm. If it is anything like what they say it is, I'd love to have my first one with you," Pearl whispered in her ear.

Fiona began to let her body relax, but she wouldn't turn around. Pearl slid her fingers between Fiona's legs rubbing back and forth, hoping to quell her anger. Not quite knowing what to do. Fiona started to feel a sensation build that she had never felt before. When the sensation fanned out she felt like she'd been pushed off a cliff and needed to reach for something to hold on to as her body jerked at the unfamiliar, but pleasing feelings. She moaned too loudly.

"What the hell was that, Fiona? Did I hurt you?" Pearl asked frantically.

"No, Pearl," Fiona said, trying to catch her breath. "That felt like. I don't know. So good. I think it was an orgasm."

"Really? I'm glad my mom isn't here. You screamed like I just stabbed you or something," Pearl said.

Fiona jumped on top of her and slid down between her legs. "Pearl. I have to try to give you one. It feels so good. Forget the video."

There was banging on the wall. "Shut the hell up you two!" Zwange yelled. "What the hell are they doing in there?" He increased the volume on his iPod.

* * *

**Come on, Livy.**

**Please talk to me. **

**I love you.**

**I'm sorry.**

**I'm stupid.**

**I want you. **

Olivia groaned at Fitz's texts. He'd been texting her for the last hour after their argument. By the 25th text, she started to lose her resolve. This time a picture appeared with the text. It was a picture of his penis and a message scrawled on a piece of paper: "I'm with stupid. Don't punish me because he is stupid."

Olivia burst out laughing until she started crying while laughing. She unlocked the door to the laundry room and let him inside.

"Fitz you are…stupid. I am still mad at you, but that was funny." Olivia continued to chuckle. He scooped her up into his arms and carried her into the family room.

"I am sorry for everything I said. I felt threatened when you told me about the job so I said those things…questioning your brilliance and qualifications. I am so sorry, honey. I don't like Jake, and I never will, but when I heard you mention his name, it made me feel more threatened. I am not used to sharing you with the world in this way. I know that sounds backwards and like I am a Neanderthal. Please don't shut me out. I want to support you. I'm sorry."

Olivia looked into his eyes. "Have you been drinking?"

He shrugged. "Yes, but only a couple of beers. I needed something to calm me down," he said. "But I mean everything I said, Livy. I apologize."

"I felt disappointed and hurt when you said those things because it brought back all those bad feelings I held on to for so long about how I thought you felt about me. So I lashed out too, Fitz. Thanks for your apology. I accept your apology." She wrapped her arms around him and squeezed as tightly as she could.

* * *

Later after they basked in the glow of passionate make up sex, Olivia yawned loudly.

"How was Fiona today? I think Dr. Giovanni is really helping her work through her anger. She seems happier, don't you think?" Olivia asked.

"She was fine when she woke up. Excited about staying over at Pearl's house. I'm so glad she has a friend like Pearl whose not the typical, angsty teenager," Fitz said.

"I love Pearl. She's smart and just a nice young girl. She knows how to talk to adults. I never worry when I know Fiona is with her. Now, her other friends… I am not convinced. I thanked God when she stopped talking about Dean," Olivia said, yawning again.

She looked over at Fitz who was now snoring lightly. Snugging closer to him, she smiled and closed her eyes just as the phone rang.

"Hello?"

"Olivia?"

"Yes. Esther? Is that you? Is everything okay with the girls?" Olivia sat up in the bed. Fitz stirred beside her.

"No, Everything is not alright. You need to come and get Fiona. Now, please," said Esther.

"What's wrong, Olivia?" Fitz could tell something was wrong by the expression on her face.

"I don't understand Esther? Are the girls okay? What's going on?" said Olivia.

"I want your daughter out of my house. I know she is the cause of this. My Pearl, she's not like…please just come and get your daughter, please," said Esther.

"Okay, I'm on my way, Esther. Hopefully we can talk about…"

"Olivia, what's wrong? What did Pearl's Mom want?" said Fitz.

"I can't believe she hung up on me." Olivia hopped out of the bed. "She is demanding that I come get Fiona now. She wouldn't tell me why. Then she just hung up on me…"

Fitz picked up his cell phone that was now alerting him to a text.

**I want to come home. Pick me up now.**

"That was Fiona. She wants to come home," he said.

"Tell her okay and ask what happened….no scratch that…just say okay and let's get dressed and go," she said. "Maybe she and Pearl had an argument and Fiona crossed the line."

They dressed hastily and left for Pearl's house.

* * *

**Next, "Down for the Count," but probably not today. Wish I could for Halloween! I'm updating in alpha order...**


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